Romania

Full of sights that will practically make your jaw drag along the floor with awesomeness. It’s also been scientifically proven that absolutely every single one of them is improved 327% when viewed from the seat of a monkey bike.

You can see endless churches, cuddly bear cubs, rustic villages, the James Bond villain-esqe underground salt mine turned amusement park, the beach, mountains, the best road in the world (according to that sausage-jowled twat off the tellybox), the palace that Vlad the Impaler ruled from and even Dracula’s castle. To name but a few.

Salina Turda, a perfect place to plan the destruction of the planet whilst cackling maniacally.

Now, don’t get us wrong, they’re all lovely, more than lovely in fact, but some sights are just that little bit more interesting. A little more niche. A little more weird.

This is Geamana in Alba County, Transylvania. Looks lovely, doesn’t it?

Take this place for example…Well, it once was nice anyhow.

Not so beautiful today sadly

What used to be a typical and collector’s edition ceramic plate beautiful Romanian village is now still a beautiful Romanian village, albeit buried under 90 metres of shite industrial waste. It’s a vast toxic lake, flooded with an acidic sludge that’s laced with copper, lead, zinc and arsenic. Don’t forget to pack your swimming costume.

The aptly named ‘Team Toxic Waste’ went there on a little reconnaissance mission on the pioneer’s event last year. The team, consisting of Rich, Gregor, Mila and Nick, had heard about the place from an old lady with one eye and decided to go see it for themselves. Seems it was a rather good idea. They reported that some villagers still live there too, though they tend to give you welcoming, but very much ‘what the fucking hell are you doing here?’ looks.

We wanted a nice quote from Rich saying about how amazing it was, but all he could say was this:

It was horrific. Sorry I can’t be more on-brand with humanity’s’ destruction of our planet – Rich Sawtell

Hang on. What? Why? When? How? What? What?

Well, it seems that back in 1978 communist dictator and all-around Romanian no-more-Mr-nice-guy Nicolae Ceausescu ordered the village to be abandoned so that it could act as an oversized sewage drain for a nearby copper mine. He then flooded the entire valley. Everything other than the church spire and a few rooftops is gone, even the graves that were promised to be relocated, but never were.

The mine’s still going, by the way, processing 14,000 tonnes of rock every single day, and the level of the lake is rising 1 meter every year. If that doesn’t make you feel a tad ashamed at being human then you’re likely just a little bit dead inside. If you do feel ashamed, then why not throw the lovely folk at Cool Earth a few quid to repent for your fellow-humans sins?

Later on, when it all fell to shit, Mr Ceausescu and his wife were found guilty of economic sabotage and genocide. They were immediately dragged out the back and executed by firing squad on 25 December. Merry bloody Christmas indeed. The execution was screened on television later that day. Not quite as boring as the Queen’s speech, that’s for sure. Strangely enough, as a child of the Eastern block, Mila remembers seeing this. How lovely. Ironically, The Ceaușescus were the last people to be executed in Romania before capital punishment was abolished, a mere two weeks later.

Revolting as it might be, it has certainly made for an extremely un-boring sightseeing location in present day. Not only that, but it’s an absolute fucker to reach on a monkey bike, meaning it’s probably the perfect thing to go and see on a monkey bike.

Glorious, horrific bliss

The July edition of the Monkey Run Romania is fuller than a manatee in stockings, but limited spots are available now for the September edition. Fancy joining us? Want to see things like this with your very own eyeballs? We don’t blame you.

Here’s a LINK. Press it, and make your life less boring.