We finished our biscuits and chucked the rules in the bin for the 2024 Poles of Inconvenience European Edition which kicks off on July 12th. You can use any vehicle you want. Here’s Mr. Buddy explaining almost everything you need to know:

Think of the most unsuitable chariot you can muster in any flavour.

No engine size or age rules. Ideally you’ll be riding an angry one-eyed camel called Bob. Think small, crap and underpowered. Something with zero comfort and no mod cons is heartily encouraged. As is anything that’s just completely bloody stupid, such as a tank, a cherry picker, or a segway.

But there’s no need to bribe us if you want to bring your trusty 1.4 litre Peugeot 306 along on the Poles of Inconvenience. We don’t need a sob story about how your aunt has had a 1.6 litre Ford Focus in her garage for 23 years that you’d like to bring.

• Does that mean you should bring your Jeep? No.
• What about a Landrover? Also no.
• Should you do it on your massive 1000cc adventure bike? That’ll be another vote for the “no” box.
• Did you get a Cybertruck for Christmas? Lucky you. Should you bring it along? Absofuckinglutely not.

These aren’t rules as such. Think of them more as a heavy wooden ruler of suggestion, hanging precariously over your knuckles of selection. You can bring an expedition ready 4×4 with a built-in kitchen sink if you really have to. But be prepared for ‘we’re not angry just disappointed’ side-eye from your fellow teams, and maybe even points penalties.

Claim the Title of “Best Adventure Vehicle”

Now, take a moment. Imagine how much more rewarding it would be to do it in a classic Mini Cooper, or a Reliant Robin. Or on an old Vespa or a ride-on lawnmower. Now you’re talking. We shall practically hurl ourselves in front of you as self-sacrifice at your excellence if you decide to attempt it on anything that is not motorised at all. The most deserving team will be awarded BEST ADVENTURE VEHICLE-the finest machine employed in the search for inconvenience will receive the admiration of inconvenience seekers for generations.

Ultimately, your vehicle should be as inconvenient as humanly possible.

Registration is open right now. The Poles of Inconvenience launch on the 12th of July and culminates with a ginormous finish line celebration and festival style finish party on August 7th.

Grab a mate or two and get yourself signed up here.