To be crowned as “Grand Champions”, you will need the most points scored when all your points from hitting poles – normal and golden – are tallied up. Simple.
Spirit of the Poles
When you’ve done it right. Nailed the style. Unfazed by challenges. Hit the hardest poles. Laughed in the face of catastrophe. Have a fantastically shit vehicle. Are generally cooler than a fridge full of frozen cucumbers. Ideally you are all of the above.
Most Poles Bagged
Sod quality, you’ve gone for quantity, which is also okay. Grab this one for packing away more poles than a chronically-obese squirrel packs nuts in autumn.
Farthest Flung
Travel the furthest in pursuit of adventure as recorded by our clever tracking app and nab this one. Go the extra mile (literally) and find yourself rewarded accordingly.
Poles of Steel
You laugh in the face of one-pointers, you are on a mission from a higher calling to willingly push yourself over the edge of reason and plunge, cackling, into the abyss of glory. Score the most points from hitting the least poles to nab this one. Golden poles not included in this one.
Best Vehicle
What it says on the tin. We’re hoping for hot air balloons, camels, submarines or a pogo stick. If we absolutely must award this to a car or a motorcycle, it’ll have to be incredibly unfit for purpose, utterly shite and, therefore, outstanding.
Stupidest Route
To nab this award, we need to either see a bunch of squiggly nonsense that proves you went into this adventure with absolutely no idea what you’re doing, or you manage to draw something brilliant with cunningly amusing GPS data. Alternatively, it may be a moment of sublime mayhem – driving off a cliff to get to the bottom of a mountain very quickly would qualify.
Most Charismatic Reporter
Having a blast? Great. Everything going to shit? Even better. Tell us about it. You’ll get your grubby mitts on this prize if you do the best job of reporting your adventure through the medium of short video clips. It’s about quality, not quantity here folks – just one submission a day for this.
Best Cinematography
Once the dust has settled on your adventure and you’ve settled back into your boring lives, we hope you’ll go through your myriad of photos and videos and sort the wheat from the chaff. This prize will be awarded post event to the team that gives us the best content dump. We’re not interested in 9gb of shaky dashcam wank, we want the best photos and short video clips you’ve got – along with any compilation vids you throw together you’re happy to share.
Charity Champions
Cool Earth are saving the world, so we’ll still have somewhere to go adventuring in the future. Raise the most for Cool Earth and bag yourselves this award along with enough good karma points for the next few lifetimes.
Billy All The Mates
Shake grubby hands with as many of your fellow teams as possible and send us a photo to prove it. The team that meets and shakes hands with the most other teams will claim this one. You’ll probably also catch some lurgy, but it’ll be worth it.
Pole to Poles Award
No, not going from the North Pole to the South Pole as you may think (though we will award you if you manage that). Instead, to grab this award we need you to find the most inconvenient pole you can (barber’s pole, flag pole, ship’s mast, dancing pole…etc) and attach it to your vehicle for the entirity of the adventure. Stupidest pole wins.
We hear the gravel track to get up here is brutal, narrow and steep. Sounds lovely.
3
Italy
La Sarga
///unnatural.undergrads.bellowing
Ever-so-slightly inconvenient this one, though that’s kind of the point.
2
Western Sahara
Carman’s Pass
modification.mailorder.swerving
Suggested by Mr Aaron – a 2022 participant. It was quickly verified by us after we saw the video evidence of how stupid it is. It’s a real beauty. Bring your sturdy underwear.
3
Kosovo
Tea and Toast
teacups.emancipate.experiments
Some random flames that have been burning on a mountainside for thousands of years. Great place to toast a teacake.
2
Turkey
The Salty Desert
grumbling.imaging.biped
What better way to make a difficult journey harder than trying to get 30km off road to the wrong side of a salt flat. You will most likely need sand ladders.
5
Western Sahara
Karkonoska
///centuries.lobbed.chillier
Slight detour from the steepest road in Poland.
3
Poland
Erg Chigaga
singleness.megabits.played
A gigantic sandpit for adult children. AKA the Sahara. We’ve positioned this pole as close to the middle as it might be possible to get.
5
Morocco
Klekovača
///fringed.eradicated.mellower
Mary Poppins would struggle here as its apparently rather windy at the top.
3
Bosnia and Herzegovina
Great Wall of Guernsey
squealing.crowbars.excel
Time this well and you won’t get your feet wet!
3
Guernsey
Breaking Point
potranno.sganciato.pagarti
Winner of our Pitch-a-Pole Competition in 2024. Georgia was actually the birthplace of our dear friend wine, and you’ll need a whole heap of it after this conquering this pole.
5
Georgia
Karagyol Reservoir
salon.guidance.breakdowns
To get here, you have to take the highest paved road in the Balkans. There are 28 hairpins and no barriers protecting you from the sheer drops. It sounds idyllic.
3
Bulgaria
Dark Hedges
mess.chromatic.married
Famous from Game of Thrones but fuck that as a reason for going there, it’s just a pain in the arse to get to and will make your car look awesome.
1
United Kingdom
Egg in a Bog
///wagers.unbeatable.derail
What would Ireland do to commemorate the first transatlantic flight other than put an egg in a bog. Makes perfect sense.
2
Ireland
Pier of Inconvenience
///valleys.flounces.fluster
You can enjoy the beach on your way back.
2
Germany
Strata Florida
compress.dumplings.centrally
One of the most daft tracks in the UK. Totally unsuitable for a small vehicle.
5
United Kingdom
Thank f**k he’s not a real boy
tarnish.fonts.interactions
63 Feet Tall Pinocchio.
1
Italy
Latpari Pass
nomad.motorist.safety
Another very spicy Pole. This road is not for average drivers.
4
Georgia
El Rocko
defending.tumbles.happens
Pander to your inner geologist and come splendor at this big rock off the Moroccan coast. You could try and go there but you’ll almost certainly get shot, so we don’t recommend it.
2
Morocco
Spooky Tea Spot
touchingly.joined.farmyard
An abused and forgotten metropolis, abandoned for centuries. Lovely spot for a nice Earl Grey.
2
Turkey
Area 51
discomfort.advise.interestingly
This appears to be about as close as you can legally get to this absolutely gigantic solar farm without being shot. We might be wrong of course, and you might get shot, so maybe just check.
1
Morocco
Pole of Toxicity
plop.levitating.phosphorus
A vast toxic lake, flooded with acidic sludge laced with copper, lead, zinc and arsenic. Don’t forget to pack your goggles.
2
Romania
Anatori’s Crypt
playoffs.derives.outlined
Medieval communal tombs where infected villagers would wait for death in times of plague. Cheery.
3
Georgia
Massive Communist Monument
wobbled.darling.assist
Massive ruined communist monument atop a ruddy great hill.
2
Bulgaria
Mull of Kintyre
sofas.drips.kitten
Made famous by Paul McCartney and Wings, here’s a splendid spot to send you lot. Mainly because its an absolute royal pain in the arse to get there.
1
United Kingdom
Tizi n’Tamtdit
reliant.finer.bladder
This desert trail is like a walk in the park, if the parks on fire, and you’re on fire, and your cars on fire. Bring some water.
5
Morocco
Bridge over the Atlantic
Moped.tasks.reeling
Regale the pub with stories of your successful ocean crossing.
1
United Kingdom
Le Bourg
gullible.rural.madmen
Rather lovely French road. Windy and full of tunnels this one should be fun.
1
France
La Cite d’Orion
achievements.putters.muggy
Incredible art constructed from the desert by German artist Hannsjoerg Voth. Theres actually something to see at this pole so well worth having your underpants filled with sand for the rest of eternity.
2
Morocco
Laver Ghost Town
tracks.spouses.torched
What better place to visit than one that has been abandoned by all humanity for decades.
2
Sweden
Liz’s Phone Box
finders.traffic.tourist
This won’t be the toughest POI to hit, but if you want to snag one that includes a phone box that was once owned by Queen Elizabeth II, then this is probably your best bet.
1
Germany
Tall Erik
///gritty.minimum.glean
It’s Tall Erik, is there more to be said.
1
Sweden
Geographical centre of Earth
veteran.permits.tasteless
The geometric centre of all land surfaces on Earth is here. Directly below every country, every city, every point on the surface, at a depth of about 6 million meters. You’d think there’d be something worth seeing here to mark it…
3
Turkey
Biggest Jar in the World
///codified.december.briefs
Allegedly
2
Tunisia
Devil’s Throat
regularity.sharpen.thirdly
This road is said to end at the entrance to Hade’s Underworld, make it there and we’ll give you an extra point.
2
Bulgaria
Centaurs Chapel
sarongs.hover.wince
Driving on this road is like stepping into your washing machine and turning it on. Recommend buying insurance for your spine beforehand.
4
Greece
Maybe Impossible
lads.circulation.unsuccessful
Top of a ski slope. There are vehicle tracks heading up to this point though so it must be possible to reach when it’s not snowy…. right?
4
Spain
Chott el Djerid
largeness.sniggering.freelance
A huge salty flat thing in the Sahara. This pole is where we feel most inconvenience might be found.
5
Tunisia
The Pole of Much Measurement
///postures.house.spurns
This Pole was used to measure the size and shape of the Earth apparently, it’s also Moldovas only unesco site. Off you pop.
2
Moldova
Pythagoras Cave
hostiles.cinemas.frosts
A² + B² = A massive inconvenience.
4
Greece
Thrombotic Twisty Track
umbilical.weathers.earring
High up, twisty, and not particularly close to anything else that you may merit convenient.
2
Serbia
Tad Inconvenient
hamster.darlings.bumpkins
Unless you can fly of course, which you very likely can’t.
3
Greece
Xenophobic Nightmare
///prevented.deregulated.capacities
Three borders in one, what a treat.
2
Hungary
Orava Castle
falcons.occasionally.hyped
Count Draculas Holiday Home.
1
Slovakia
Furkaing Windy
lifetimes.quilting.vineyard
The site of a james bond car chase, hopefully there’s less explosions this time.
2
Switzerland
Foder Green
dumpling.jumbo.overheat
A green lane of some magnificence that also has the advantage of being in Devon which is a stupid place to go to. Unless you live in Devon. In which case this one is far too sensible to count.
2
United Kingdom
Baklava Bastard
likability.skyrockets.infrequent
Absolute shitter of a place to reach. At 3417m, it also happens to be the highest road in Turkey. Perfect.
5
Turkey
Bealach na Ba
folks.secrets.parked
A high and winding mountain pass through the Scottish highland. Perfect for making yourself lost, and likely, wet.
2
United Kingdom
Forest Chaos
sidelines.glory.layouts
Ah, the end of the tarmac. What better place to slap a Pole than the middle of a Romanian forest on a slab of mud.
4
Romania
Papa Kransal
droplet.stages.frock
Ever walked around your town or city and thought you know what this places needs, 500 dwarf statues. Come visit the fella who started the trend here
1
Poland
Road of Doom
spaceport.unsupervised.obeyed
There’s two ways to get here. We know one might be possible. The other way? What a wonderful slab of inconvenience.
3
Albania
The Church on Abano Pass
extraneous.roundabout.disarming
You’ll need prayers to get here, and prayers to get away again. Rather fitting really.
2
Georgia
Everest
///motor.diagram.melt
The highest point of the Netherlands, only 2 hours and 330m of elevation from the lowest. Small potatoes.
1
Netherlands
Lost Again?
trucker.hobbit.backstage
Remote, hard to find, and utterly utterly pointless.
4
Turkey
Stelvio Pass
drive.lawyer.diplodocus
Recommend this lovely straight road after a heavy night to soothe the stomach. Tee-Hee.
2
Italy
Bikini Bottom
///capers.shall.flinch
The lowest point of the flattest country in Europe. Enjoy a breather.
1
Netherlands
Into the Void
jarred.freezer.discrepancy
The highest point in Latvia at a dizzying…um… 312m above sea level.
1
Latvia
Duncansby Head Lighthouse
fail.illogical.awestruck
About as far away from anywhere useful as you could possibly want to be.
1
United Kingdom
Säffle
wickets.picnics.chives
It looks like you might be able to get your vehicle here. Maybe.
3
Sweden
The Hills have Poles
choral.multigrain.intolerance
Romania has some quite resplendent dirt tracks to get your machine stuck in. And here is just such a track.
4
Romania
Is Zadar’ll you’ve got
///nuanced.campfires.constructs
Some mad bastards actually run this every year so you’ve got no excuse.
2
Croatia
Carril del Chaparral
swum.lifting.waffled
Further mountainous track joy to bend your tyres.
3
Spain
Toxic Oasis
flannel.truffle.repels
Toxic waste lake that was created by flooding a valley with a village in it, the spire of the church is still poking out of the water.
3
Romania
Island of Lampedusa
careless.vineyards.shires
This island is as inconvenient as it is beautiful. and its very beautiful.
4
Italy
Whats Amore
esteem.hostiles.pegs
By all accounts, this is the steepest road in all of Italy, with some bits of it reaching a rather engine-warming 30% gradient. Splendid. No prizes for going down it, you have to go up.
3
Italy
Bastardo
health.asides.leaves
We’ve never pretended to be sophisticated, and we’re not going to start now. This pole is where it is for one, simple, immature reason.
1
Italy
Road of Much Wideness and Space
flies.version.awkward
The narrowest street on the planet. Now that’s a tad inconvenient.
1
Germany
Kynthos
uses.horns.walkers
You’ll have to catch a ferry to get here, then you’ll have to drive along a beach which may or not be underwater. Don’t forget to send us a postcard.
3
Greece
The Mountain with the Hole
eager.adjuster.dabbled
Looks like an evil genius lasered a hole through a mountain. Maybe to test their ‘evil lair’ building equipment, who knows?
2
Norway
Göbekli Tepe
fanlike.leanness.entering
At over 11.000 years old this is Humanity’s oldest monument. Early man or Aliens -you decide.
2
Turkey
Big Blue Rock
beggars.crisp.lavatories
If you like big blue rocks we’ve got a treat for you with this one.
3
Morocco
Handmade Road
thicken.nozzles.typified
The canyon, which is 600m deep in places, is said to be the second-biggest canyon in the world after the Grand Canyon. Don’t look down. Oh, and the road was built entirely by hand
3
Turkey
The Transfăgărănish
riskiness.resting.airships
Leave one of the world’s most spectacular roads to go search for inconvenience.
3
Romania
Summer Skier
Reframed.Galaxy.Chasing
The tippy top of France’s biggest ski resort. Recommend avoiding the halfpipe on the way down.
3
France
Viking Cinema
treaty.sonic.firelight
The Uk’s smallest cinema run by Vikings. what more do you need.
4
United Kingdom
The Finnishing Touch
///bicker.debased.argument
If you fall in the sea this one will be rather unpleasant so we recommend you don’t.
4
Finland
Kiipsaare lighthouse
///apex.talkative.anyway
There doesn’t seem to be anything overly special about this lighthouse other than its delightfully inconvenient location.
3
Estonia
Ibiza for Penguins
pavilions.creeps.mixing
Europe’s most northernly point. Make it here, and you’re already 5 degrees into the Arctic Circle.
2
Norway
Four Leafed Pain in the Arse
///blackout.unite.scrap
As far west as you can get in Ireland without nautical assistance, so it’s about as inconvenient as we could make it.
3
Ireland
Parikkala
///improving.lighter.polymer
This place is less inconvenient and more just weirdly terrifying.
1
Finland
Zekari Pass
toughen.helped.laziest
Absolute beast of a track, you’ll thank us if you hit this Pole. Well, amongst the curses anyway.
4
Georgia
Cove of Inconvenience
objectifies.laser.streaking
Try not to drive off a cliff challenge, hard edition.
3
Turkey
Olympic Overdose
pleads.retinas.dwellings
Aspiring athletes may want to avoid this one, not sure what state the tracks in.
2
Greece
Really Big Orange
///finely.condition.comments
What better way to mark the centre of your city than with a citrus surprise.
1
Morocco
Bombshell Blunders
slope.layers.broker
The site of a former explosion factory. Potentially explosives in the ground. An abandoned building and on a unstable peninsula in Ayrshire
3
United Kingdom
Banksy’s Bank
hero.fame.crazy
It’s not big, but it’s certainly clever (if you think building a street which only mountain goats can properly navigate is clever anyway).
1
United Kingdom
Zagari Pass
rosebushes.brainy.sprouted
One of the favourite poles from the 2022 edition, for a very good reason. It’s tough, high like a politician on a weekend in Bogota, and a potential car-breaker.
5
Georgia
Pylontastic
noisier.mitten.fragmented
Ever wanted to drive right through a pylon? Of course you have. Well, now thanks to us, you can. You lucky buggers.
1
Germany
Orjens Saddle
///diluting.wretchedly.pastels
If you make it to the stunning views and mountain hut at the top of this track with all your vertebrae, you’re the real winner.
4
Montenegro
Bastardstown Beach
district.radiantly.baths
Yes, that’s actually the name of this place. Helpfully, this Pole is at the end of a small slipway too so it really will be a bastard to get to it.
2
Ireland
Say Cheese
sarcastic.harvester.despicable
Behold. The world’s largest cheese slicers. Bag this and your life shall be complete.
1
Sweden
The Passage du Gois
compression.exec.refuse
The road to this French island is especially inconvenient as its underwater for most of the day. If you drive fast enough you may be able to skip your car over the water like a stone, or not, who knows.
3
France
Merenid Tombs
///fixture.holds.library
14th century tombs high above Fes. What a view.
1
Morocco
Tizi n’Takchtant
undefined.outing.stresses
A super high dirt track pass into the high Atlas. Good luck!
4
Morocco
Devil’s Elbow
tonight.dummy.loosens
On the approach to the Cairnwell Pass – the highest motorable road in the UK.
1
United Kingdom
Rock of Tondi
///glove.nibbles.eagles
A rock highly rated on Tripadvisor. ‘the best rock I ever seen 10/10 would take the family’.
1
Estonia
Westernmost Point of Europe
earmark.hairspray.pillbox
Cabo da Roca. Next, America.
1
Portugal
Centre of Europe
deckhands.internally.turtles
Here you’ll find the geographical centre of Europe – verified by some clever French chaps back in 1989.
1
Lithuania
Take a dip Smelly-Pants
elastic.raiders.booksellers
Beautiful waterfall swimming spot on a very wiggly backroad.
2
Portugal
Zelengora Pass
gooseberry.enticingly.applied
This handy Pole of Inconvenience is at the top of a dirt track mountain pass. Why not add it to your collection?
2
Bosnia and Herzegovina
The Tip of Portugal
braving.sciences.oppress
Deadend of Portugal in an area full of great dirt roads.
2
Portugal
Tree Hee
///turkey.popping.layered
The king of pop immortalised how he would’ve wanted, on a tree.
1
Hungary
Wet Tunnel of much Cold and Dark
deviated.ramped.skipping
Only accessible by one road we recommend bringing your warmest most waterproof friends for this one, oh and definitely some kind of light.
1
France
Pico Veleta
automatically.unnecessary.impinging
The highest road in Europe, especially impressed if you’re either a mole or do this on a unicycle.
3
Spain
Cindery Island
hiring.tuned.encodes
There are no roads, buildings or infrastructure. It’s also mostly underwater. Glorious!
4
United Kingdom
Picos de Europa Deadend
conned.jazz.softies
Remote. Spectacular. Inconvenient.
3
Spain
Uninhabited mystery island
confessed.sorrows.perimeter
No plans have yet been announced as to how tourists will travel from mainland Albania to the island – which technically is still an operational military base. It is manned by two soldiers who patrol its two square miles. Wave as you go past them.
5
Albania
Sunken Sawmill
repeals.harnessing.dignity
A rather picturesque sawmill submerged in an Italian crevasse.
2
Italy
Jotunheimvegen 1995
prevented.crouch.fingernails
Discovered in the first Poles of Inconvenience and found to be most excellent.
2
Norway
Summit of Sweden
tricky.believe.grudgingly
This is the highest public motorable road in all of Sweden. It’s also miles from anywhere.
2
Sweden
Eddie the Eagle’s Welsh Fancy
span.steroids.paler
May need to buy your handbrake a beer after this one.
1
United Kingdom
The Monsen Forgotten Road
cope.trudges.prospers
This one is courtesy of a Mongol Rally veteran and bone-fide Norwegian. “Think Cabin in the Woods meets Norwegian Fjord.” he said. Ok we said. We’re coming.
3
Norway
A trip to the beach
backwater.embroidery.fool
The most Northernly point of Denmark. No reason whatsoever to go there, so go there you should.
1
Denmark
Pico da Santinha
twinning.clincher.texting
In the mountains, at the end of a tough track ideally designed for 4x4s is this glorious abandoned building. A fine reward to top off the fun of getting here.
3
Portugal
Village Life
toyed.assumes.boringly
Splendid area this. It will give you a great slice of village life. It’s also a massive faff to get here and away again.
2
Morocco
Mount Kaliakouda
taxpayer.elves.comebacks
70 hairpin bends running north-south from Aniada to Stournara. We can almost smell your brakes from here.
3
Greece
The Poleiest Pole
disregard.lumped.craftily
A mile out to sea, you’ll have to park and walk here to nab this one. There’s even an actual, rusty metal pole waiting for you. You lucky things.
2
Latvia
Monte Corrasi
///trachea.microbe.solved
Remote and wild mountain in the Med. Terrible road quality and sheer hundred metre drops. Splendid.
5
Italy
Bayburt of Yolu
telemetry.follicles.tellers
As roads go this one is a corker. Steep as shit, winding through the mountains with big old drop offs of doom.
4
Turkey
Punta Cuta
///pesky.nobody.isomers
People say a 4×4 is required to reach this viewpoint. We believe in you.
3
Spain
Torre de Hércules
///lined.lofts.flanks
Something cultural to wet the whistle.
1
Spain
Remoteness in Road Form
evaporate.garlics.passes
Bugger all here. Really, bugger all.
2
Finland
Geographical Centre of Northern Ireland
launcher.outwards.joggers
The very middle of Northern Ireland. A place you never knew you needed to go, because you didn’t. Well, now you do.
1
United Kingdom
The Village of Supreme Creativity
brink.meatball.sprain
This village is called ‘A’ and here’s a sign to prove it. The road is annoyingly flat, but it’s quite the trek to get here.
2
Norway
Nipple path
chapels.repeating.dolphins
A handy slab of dirt track on the edge of the lake district.
3
United Kingdom
Mandø By (No. 5)
dust.informally.goodly
Conveniently, or not, to get to this one you have to drive across a tidal road that isn’t there half the time. Super.
3
Germany
Shore to be a pain in the arse
list.tilts.zeal
Firstly, you need to get to the top of Norway. Then you need to traverse about 10 islands to get here. There are 4 houses on this island. I’m sure someone will make you a cuppa. Will it be worth it? Absobloodylutely
3
Norway
Prove us wrong
///underpinned.booed.arithmetic
We’re not really sure how you’ll get here. You’ll likely have to pleasure a fisherman in some way. Bribery is usually relatively successful.
4
Finland
Lost in the woods
vole.genetic.tailor
If you like trees, then you’ll fucking love this. Try not to use navigation to find this one. You’ll thank us later. Probably.
3
Finland
100km dead end
watchable.newlywed.magicians
Sitting waiting for you at the end of a 50km stretch of road is this pole, some glory, and not much else.
3
Sweden
Contemplation spot
implicitly.storefronts.issuer
In the sticks. There’s a small pool here where you can sit for a while and wonder what the bloody hell you’re doing with your life.
2
Poland
Border chaos
bolting.overdid.multilingual
On a tiny little rock in the middle of nowhere is this. A splendid place to hop between Sweden and Finland. Inconvenience level: yes.
5
Finland
In the middle of the Vardø Tunnel
///glaze.napkins.converter
Under the sea at Norway’s most eastern point. Pretty much as far as you can possibly go in the wrong direction in Europe. And under the sea. Still, at least you’ll be out of the weather – which will be terrible.
3
Norway
Quite a quaint quarry
included.busters.gullible
Rough, uneven and possibly dangerous track through an old quarry.
4
United Kingdom
Kimmeridge Bay
https://w3w.co/openly.warbler.homework
Beautiful surfing bay on the Jurassic Coast Dorest, miles from the nearest A road, its ‘out of the way’ inconvenient.
2
United Kingdom
Sometimes Wet
///like.glare.foamed
Sometimes it’s a water crossing, sometimes not. What fun you’ll have, finding out.
4
Estonia
Nearly Nordviggen
///underlines.eraser.overused
Off-road nirvana in the Norwegian woods
4
Norway
Easy Peasy
pillar.blips.ancients
It’s a 4×4 off-roading trail that looks absolutely filthy
4
Lithuania
Bocco Calva
whirlpool.quack.overstuffed
It’s a car-ripper
5
France
Copper Feel
siding.perkily.fiasco
Abandoned copper mine. Bring a torch.
4
Sweden
Running up that hill
///tells.measure.unanimously
An off-road course – your crappy car should be fine
4
Germany
Punchy Forest Road
diffidence.wavelengths.cooperated
We could have picked one of the nice viewpoints nearby – but this way you get to EARN them.
4
Moldova
Cool for Tokat
wetsuits.declined.torrid
A harrowing off-road, uphill battle. There is nothing waiting for you except some very well-earned points so start this one with caution.
5
Turkey
A drive in the country
tailing.asserts.sums
Apparently you need a car with good ground clearance and off-road tyres. If you have either of these things you’re probably in the wrong kind of vehicle. Go get it Champ.
4
Turkey
Irish Blowhard
column.rhythms.sterner
Lovely views, and a blowhole. What’s not to like?
2
Ireland
Frenchy Forest Fun
swoon.lobby.reject
We needed one over here, so plumped for this beauty.
4
France
Inconvenient Religion
utterances.dragging.puzzler
This is a tough one – but your prayers will be answered at the end. (not a guarantee)
4
Italy
Haunted Castle
drizzly.adjuster.falcons
Look out for the spectral white lady who foretells imminent death… maybe visit this one last.
3
Ireland
Italian Job
stroke.sulkily.straddling
This pole is off the off-road track. Why? Because we love you.
4
Italy
Bring your snorkel
defected.still.prompting
The most dived wreck in the UK – bloody miles from the sea. We’re not making this easy.. jump in, the water’s lovely.
3
United Kingdom
Pipe Jumping
anchovy.pertinence.blackly
If you don’t wreck your suspension on the way here, these partly buried concrete pipes should manage it for you.
3
Romania
Dive on in
stifles.garlands.cope
We have no idea what this is. A quarry, an old reservoir, a sarlacc pit? It looks gross, and massive. Go there and find out.
3
Finland
Oak Josef
chatted.area.uploads
There’s apparently a 650 year old English oak tree here called Josef. Think of it as a massive wooden pole.
1
Poland
Chaux Forest
psycho.sour.redial
There’s an actual pole here. That’s what you’re searching for after all, isn’t it?
1
France
Homage to Mr Tom
boost.toolshed.incense
In homage to our glorious founder, Mr Tom. He’s the reason we’re all in this beautiful mess. This is in the carpark of “La Table de Tom”
1
France
Pointless
joking.decoration.greases
Lots of great looking dead ends around here. This one looks especially meaningless.
3
Italy
Bow to the Fiat
lands.hears.vegans
Steeped in history, this monument if here mainly because it has a Fiat conquering a tank. Either of which would be ideal vehicles to tackle the Poles of Inconvenience,
1
Croatia
Fontana Delle Tette
beaker.restless.info
No, this isn’t here simply because it’s a fountain from a pair of breasts, but because it used to be a wine fountain. Sadly, or luckily seeing as you’re driving, it now only serves water
1
Italy
What’s the Matterhorn?
dished.ombudsman.looked
Make it to this one, and you’ll have the exact same view of Matterhorn as it is in the event logo. Surely that’s worth a new sump guard
2
Switzerland
This could take a while…
mini.confederate.demeaning
Not hard to reach as such, but it’ll take you bloody ages to get here. Miles of installed floating walkways will get you to the island, followed by a hefty trek up the mountain. At least there’s a cafe at the top. Hopefully it’s closed when you get there for maximum inconvenience.
3
Italy
Berghain Bouncers
risking.luckier.bashed
Sla bang in the middle of the most difficult club to get into in all of Europe.
1
Germany
Palaestra of Petronius
penguin.sunburn.gazette
Some fine looking poles here in the middle of nowhere
2
Tunisia
Have fun
frothing.liquids.suitcases
You’re going to have a riot making it here. If you make it at all that is.
3
Tunisia
In a roundabout way
quietly.cements.seasonally
Probably the most scenic roundabout we’ve seen for a while. Helpfully, you’ll have to climb a ruddy great hill to reach the middle, where this pole is
2
Spain
A ribbeting location
perspectives.perm.sweaters
Get all the way here and you’ll be lucky enough to find an ancient bathtub for frogs and toads. Thrilling stuff.
1
Spain
Technical Passage
diminishes.petitioning.jobs
Should be totally fine….
4
France
Tower = Pole
periodic.overstep.mobiles
Old border station looking out over Germany. Plus the tower could be considered a ‘pole’ if one were to have dirty eyeglasses and a squint.
2
Czech Republic
Danish Desert Island
coffeepot.educators.quest
Anholt is an island situated at least 3 hours sailing from mainland Denmark. The island with 150 inhabitants turns into a frenzy of music festivals, kite surfing competitions, beach jams and artsy and weird characters overflows the island over summer. The island has a deserted morraine named ‘The Desert’ by locals. Likely, the closest you get to a Robinson Crusoe feeling in this part of the world.
4
Denmark
Mystery Compound Coffee (Royal Guard Café)
///damsel.concepts.readjusts
Possibly the most remote cafe in Western Sahara? Located in a mysterious looking compound miles from anywhere useful we have absolutely no idea what you’ll find here. Although the reviews say the coffee is a bit thick, it’s just a short 2.5 hour detour from the coastal highway to drop in for a snack and a beverage.
4
Western Sahara
Biggest (flag) pole in Europe
bearers.hunter.statins
Because it’s a fucking massive pole. No other reason needed.
You’d walk right past it if you didn’t know it was there, and you’d be missing out. Some of the best whisky served by some of the best bar-staff in Scotland.
United Kingdom
Oepfelchammer
///shifting.tenses.shopping
You’re allowed to carve your name into the ceiling of this bar if you can drink a glass of wine hanging from a beam.
Switzerland
Extra Budapest
cosmetic.field.pose
There’s a lot of ruin bars in Budapest, most of them full of tourists and stag parties. Extra is a little off the beaten track and sees more local visitors. Drinks are good and the courtyard (under the red umbrellas) is the best place to drink palinka.
Hungary
Bar turrisi
digress.breath.relaxed
The place one person on the internet came ‘ to look at all the penis’.
Italy
Hambara
fondest.sharper.kettles
This used to be the secret bar where artists, writers and philosophers would gather to exchange ideas freely during communism. It’s in a barn in a residential courtyard in the centre of Sofia and back in the day people would only be let in with a password and they didn’t use electricity to stay invisible. Nowadays it still doesn’t have electricity or any kind of sign on the door and someone needs to open for you. Still lit by candles only.
Bulgaria
Folkklubs Ala Pagrabs
hatter.shape.accent
30 beers on tap and authentic Latvian moonshine even the pickiest people , yes you, will like it here.
Latvia
Pavilhão Chinês
against.coolest.coolest
Quirky, overloaded rambling bar filled to the rafters with bonkers stuff, stuffed animals antiques and the like. Feels like a museum.
Portugal
The Apartment
mostly.clouds.youngest
An old apartment in the centre of sofia, which is a multifunctional space with a bar, screening rooms, books etc. Good underground vibe.
Bulgaria
Rockaway Park
passenger.husband.dawn
It’s like Banksy’s backyard, all built from scrap, very punk, fresh, arty, unexpected, worth seeing and experiencing. They have a cafe. Be aware they close at 17:00 though.
United Kingdom
La Pergola
///events.fortress.giving
Marrakesh rooftop, amazing cocktails, smooth jazz and a view even Stevie Wonder could love.
Morocco
Last Penny
postcard.journals.future
Turkish Jazz ? Could be the move.
Turkey
Lapland Brewery Pub
belonging.perform.wink
Have you ever had a beer brewed in the artic circle? Didn’t think so.
Finland
ICEBAR Stockholm
office.halt.shorten
The worlds first permanent ice bar. You may be denied entry if you happen to be on fire otherwise enjoy the guarantee of a cold drink.
Sweden
Klo Bar
scout.mountain.graphic
An essential for all toilet enthusiasts this ‘cabinet of curiosities’ even live streams your drinking exploits.
Germany
Double Locks
///stands.latest.soft
Inconvenient in the fact you have to go into Exeter and find the one single track gravel road to take you to the pub. Lovely river views, it’s a Youngs pub, does good seasonal traditional British food. Has a red telephone box in the garden.
United Kingdom
Pigs Nose Inn
confident.pumps.honey
Definitely weird, stuffed with oddities both inanimate and animate. Great atmosphere. Rockstar vibe but in South Devon.
United Kingdom
Speakeasy
///traded.weekday.officer
Bespoke cocktail bar hidden in an apartment complex in the north Macedonian capital of skopje, Something for everyone and on sunny days drinks can be taken down to the adjacent park. good live music and social atmosphere.
North Macedonia
Sjøgata Pub
sizes.cuts.goodness
Enjoy a local beer in Norways most northern town, with their own brewery in the basement you know the beer is going to be fresh.
Norway
HR Giger Bar Museum
along.edit.squares
If you want to experience life inside a ufo without the risk of a probing this bar is for you.
Switzerland
Fischladen
insiders.critic.lobby
A weird little bar in Leipzig which used to be a fishmongers. Great locals place and a bit different from the rest.
Germany
Elfde Gebod
revise.stencil.boxer
The preferred pint of Antwerp’s Jehovah’s Witnesses this bar has been open since 1425 and is made special by the unique church like decor.
Belgium
Baba Yaga
allows.hears.cheater
This spooky local bar tucked down a side street serves beer and cocktails to travellers and locals alike.
Bulgaria
Canudos Ethnic Bar
stack.migrate.brings
Melting pot of nationalities and cultures this Georgian Gem was the first underground pub in Tbilisi. With a large beer garden and live music Canudos is an excellent place to stay till the early hours.
Georgia
The Old Forge
aced.debut.tedious
The most remote pub on the British mainland is only accessible via 25 minute ferry over Loch Nevis from Mallaig, stunning views and crisp pints await anyone who takes the journey.
United Kingdom
El Bosc de las Fades
///corded.globe.arrival
Off las Ramblas where everyone is away with the fairies, also theres a thunderstorm every 20 minutes so hold on to your sangria.
Spain
Taberna Zé Raul
underfed.acknowledged.succumbing
Tucked away down a nondescript alleyway, this is about as local as you can get. Great atmosphere, cheap food and they serve their homemade wine and port by the litre.
Portugal
Dow Jones Bar
dimes.stuns.dribble
Prices in this bar fluctuate due to popularity, so revellers must make the decision to either follow the crowd or take a risk with a low stock.
Spain
Pensão Amor
exacts.audit.bunk
A brothel turned cocktail bar that invites dancing among the nooks and crannies of its red light decor.
Portugal
Dupong
think.amber.lizard
At the forehand of Copenhagens table tennis scene, drinks here are served with a smile.
Denmark
Boulevard of Broken Dreams
mincing.wisdom.retinas
A deliciously grimy greek rock bar awaits anyone bold enough to attempt this journey.
Greece
Joben Experience bar
chilled.developer.outsize
Remarkably extravagant and wonderfullly random this steampunk bar delivers on all fronts.
Romania
Fabrika Tblisi
develops.fizzled.lanes
Very cool old factory which is now a hub of bars and places to eat. Graffitti’d and a real hub for Tblisi nightlife. Where all the cool kids go. They also have a hostel.
Georgia
Babuška Pub
truth.cashier.command
Exotic beer from jamaica and singapore, don’t mind if I do.
Serbia
3 Siostry
rubble.music.measures
Every weekend DJs play untill the dawn in this local favourite, run by three sisters that actively encourage dancing on tables, just make sure you don’t leave your shoes on the ceiling.
Poland
Poco Loco
///rockets.shift.tinted
Pizza by the metre to line the stomach.
Italy
Tangerine
///paddles.debated.mascot
Rather lovely Tunisian rooftop and brief break from all the inconvenience.
Tunisia
Michalska Cocktail Room
///early.engaging.mulls
Ask the barista at Urban Bistro for directions.
Slovakia
Pub Magneeti
///monopoly.intend.readily
Eccentric and authentic, open till 2. Perfect.
Finland
La Carbonería
sailing.casual.hedge
Immerse yourself in authentic Spanish flamenco while sipping on a cocktail. Free for tourists and located in the courtyard of an old coal house you can even indulge in some tapas if you’re a bit peckish.
Spain
Sean’s Bar
dragons.anchors.claim
Said to be the oldest pub in all of Europe. It was a 1000 year history. What better place to imbibe a beverage or six?
Ireland
Kvarntorp Finngård
///ignorance.belief.plumper
Off-the-beaten-track refreshment
Norway
Yew Tree Inn
handicaps.visits.correctly
Quirky pub filled with old shit.
United Kingdom
Beers & Fish Far Out in Norway
///named.locator.perplexed
Wonderfully far away from the any big city on the end of a tip of Norway ituated in the small fishing village of Bud, this bar and restaurant offers a rustic charm with stunning sea views. It’s a great spot to enjoy fresh seafood and local beers while soaking in the maritime atmosphere
Norway
Cascate del Mulino di Saturnia
views.hairspray.downright
Eat a vending machine pizza whilst sitting in your pants in a terraced hot spring next to a bunch of locals – most likely an Italian mamma to your left and the pimp from the nearest village to your right. Don’t mind the red worms in the water, they’re meant to be good for you. So they say. Also, free bath.
Italy
Work-Work
perkily.reply.sublet
If you’re into beer, board games, pin-ball machines or shuffleboard, then stop by here. It’s quirky and nerdy – maybe the only place where you meet Norwegians which main passion isn’t hiking – it’s technology.
Denmark
Karma
dignitary.attitudes.growl
Quaint cafe where you can sit and watch the Mostari divers jump off the 24-metre-high 16th century Ottoman bridge. Probably wise to not try it yourself, instead enjoy a Bosnian coffee or a cold brew.
Bosnia and Herzegovina
La Java Cafe
///blank.sigh.kind
Located in an old boat dock in St Malo, this bar has a nautical theme with quirky decor. It’s full of puppets, dolls and flea market items. It’s a great place to enjoy a drink with a view of the harbor, offering a surprising blend of history and modernity.
Denmark
ICEBAR
///cartoonist.release.improving
Located in the famous Icehotel, this bar is made entirely of ice and snow. It offers a unique, surreal experience where you can enjoy cocktails served in ice glasses while surrounded by stunning ice sculptures.
Denmark
Toby’s
///inform.monuments.broccoli
A slightly smaller, local pub compared to its more famous counterpart. Matt Molloys. But still bleedin gorgeous
Ireland
Levist Väljas
///country.keyboard.lamps
The diviest dive bar in Estonia, seedy, cheap, and open till 6. Bliss.
Estonia
Pink Flamingo
///multisport.burden.midbrain
May this be your alcoholic oasis.
Western Sahara
British Saloon
///neon.timeless.prestige
Im sure many a poor decision was made in this former British consulate, seems only right that you add a few more.
Morocco
Wine Vibes
undertone.boot.chef
Best wine bar in town with a massive courtyard where you can sample enough wines to forget the fact you left your exhaust somewhere up a nearby mountain.
Georgia
Eszeweria
///brain.crawled.part
A nostalgic oasis where time is measured in hand-rolled cigarettes and spoons of honey. Eszeweria’s brass candelabras, murky mirrors and incense-filled rooms beckons.
Poland
Red Nose Bar
///leaps.feathers.command
Cool, breezy, and a long cocktail menu. Whats not to love.
Greece
Dirty Onion
///spits.tells.insect
Craft beer, whiskey, and chicken in one of Belfasts oldest buildings.
Ireland
Zeze Bar
century.aimless.snake
Huge vaulted ceilings, opulent artwork and a cracking vibe. This is a splendid place to wash the dust away.
Turkey
Archeobar
///drilled.works.falters
Rather splendid cheap negronis. Don’t plan to set off too early tomorrow.
Italy
Loco Bar
rooftop.hounded.trace
Marvellous place near the river to chat sump guards and goat tracks with fellow teams.
Greece
Yes Beach Bar
shampooed.rummaged.reproduces
It’s a bar, on the beach, called “Yes”. You know what to do.
Turkey
Liman Restaurant
motorcade.spread.shelved
Superb location, right on the river with bloody awesome views.
Turkey
Cafe Szafe
///steadily.flies.cosmetic
For those who want to enjoy a nice warm bar atmosphere, cool decor, and sit in a wardrobe of course.
Poland
Herkus Kantas
///taker.routine.decisive
Largest beer selection in Klaipeda with a smattering of other assorted beverages.
Lithuania
Il Santo Bevitore
///under.money.sectors
A cool Venetian Pub that will have you trying your best swan dive into the canal, which is of course a terrible idea and we don’t want to see any video footage at all.
Italy
McDonnel’s (The Lobster Pot)
wedding.umpires.headstrong
As per the web page describing it “This is a unique place because it is also a national bus stop and an undertaker” and you can’t get more Irish than that.
Ireland
Littlepub
///succeed.noise.stored
Little pub thats going to give you a big headache in the morning.
Finland
Dick Macks Pub
pounds.harvest.bundles
Where else can you get a pint of Guinness and buy your leather goods in the same place.
Ireland
Lowry’s Music and Whiskey bar
///enjoy.banter.filer
Music and Whiskey.
Ireland
North Shield Pub
///washed.shower.petition
Doesn’t look overly clean here but we doubt you are either so you’ll fit right in.
Turkey
Rabason
///punky.anew.usefully
A Pyrenees pitstop that looks like Gandalf vajazzled his cave. Bare in mind it says its only open from 6pm-10pm.
Spain
PartyZan
///dribble.engulfing.start
A wide selection of both drinks and evening entertainment to keep the picky ones happy. Ring the doorbell and hope you qualify for entry.
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REVIEW THE POLES
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